red red day

womb

2012-01-16T01:23:00.002-05:00

paper, eggshell pieces, work in progress

Happy new year, everyone! I didn't mean to be away so long...thank you to those who are still checking up on me. You guys are plain awesome :).

Sometimes i wish i had started this blog anonymously so i can feel more free to share whatever is on my mind. There is something i've been wanting the whole world to know but waiting for it to feel more real and to be showing more...I'm going to have a baby, you guys! AND so is my sister!! we are due within a week from one another. what are the chances of that?? Our babies will be like twin cousins. double joy yeah! :)). One of the happiest moments of my life when i found out.

The first three months have passed by sooo slowly. Aside from making it to work during the day, i was pretty much useless the rest of time. Just ate and laid around like a lazy princess, occasionally yelling at John for something or another. heh. poor guy. That's what guys get for not being the one to get pregnant. I don't know how my mom managed to go through all three times with us when she was throwing up constantly. she couldn't even drink water without puking. Man i only threw up once every week or two, and that was bad enough for me to think I am definitely not going through this again...

oh But then my stomach got hard, the nausea went away and i'm feeling this crazy little lump protruding at the lower ab out of nowhere. (Beginning of second trimester.) It was such a creepy feeling. like some alien thing inside me. Doctor said it was baby's leg or foot. It's strange but i found myself falling in love with that leg thing.

And now the days and weeks are going by way too fast. I can barely believe that it's only 3 more months to go! I'm so annoyed i didn't get a chance to take a picture of my belly a few weeks ago when it was like a little watermelon. Now it is a lot rounder and not as cute anymore.

Back in college, one of the themes i was kind of obsessed in exploring was the pregnant body. Made some prints and sculptures of it. But now that i'm actually in this body, i have barely documented anything of it. Hopefully, in the next couple of months, i'll have something more to show...

a cleansing

2011-08-15T19:40:00.015-05:00

goodbye fears
goodbye time
goodbye waiting

beeswax, thread, paper & wire
34.5 x 16.5 x 3.5 cm

wounded

2011-06-16T21:55:00.014-05:00

It's not really as fleshy and creepy-looking as above. More like this here:

scar, wounded series, wax, string, paper & wire, 13 x 2.8 cm

I made it last week. It's a new addition to the spoon series i thought i was done with last November:

It feels like i have only touched on the surface of what i want to explore. There should be hundreds more.

eggshell spoons

2011-05-02T22:17:00.014-05:00

paper, wire, eggshells, works in progress

Something i've been working on these past couple of weeks.

i want to make wings out of you.

John thinks these look like sperms.

Thinking of breath, letting go, keeping steady.

blood sisters

2011-03-03T23:20:00.003-05:00

This is for you, ding dong.

seeds and lace

2011-02-02T23:10:00.015-05:00

happy new year! rabbit rabbit.

emptynes(t)

2010-12-15T18:44:00.018-05:00

hair, paper & wire, 8 x 5.8 x 1.6 cm spoon dimensions

happy mess

2010-12-05T17:32:00.016-05:00

Gosh where to begin...much has happened these past few months. My little uncle's baby was just born a couple of weeks ago. She is the sweetest thing, so tiny and precious in my arms. She also got these oddly long but very cute finger toes. I can't wait to see you again, little Tienna!

What else? Ba is not grumpy with me anymore, happy that John is officially family now. The other day Ting and Francis bonded over being the black sheep of the family. Ma and me able to talk things out no matter what. Sadly, not always the case with some friends though...

But oh yay! i got to meet Marjojo (Marion Michell) for the very first time in person when John and i took a trip to London this past September. So lucky in this lifetime i can get to know and be friends with my favorite artist in the world. Speaking of world, I want the whole world to know that Tate Modern Museum following our visit to Marion Michell's studio was such a disappointment. There was nothing i could remember that was remotely comparable to Marjojo's work. Seriously.

Coming back from the experience in London, i feel transformed, aware of myself changing and growing as a person, and in particularly as an artist. It's a feeling that makes you breathe deeper, stand taller, and unafraid to seek what you want. Thank you, David & Erica, for being there so we could make this trip.

Some studio updates: completed a new series of spoons, making progress with a couple of paintings, still wrapping those broken pieces of eggshell, and dipping all sorts of things in hot beeswax.

I am really loving how the dried fruits and leaves turned out after being covered in waxed. They seemed better protected now from the elements of decaying without being changed too much at all.

art art art

unbroken

2010-07-16T16:48:00.009-05:00

wrapped eggshells

above: my two favorites so far

I am so enjoying wrapping these. I think the pictures do not do them justice. You have to hold them in your hands and see. I showed one of two attached together to May and she just said they look like balls. John didn't get how awesome they are either. oh well. i appreciate you, dear eggyeggs.

These past couple of months had been really slow in studio. blah blah days. Some heartache here and there too but nothing a good heart-to-heart cry can't soothe. Oh and i am learning to garden! A day out in the yard with my parents beats all the horticulture lectures i was taking. So happy to see that the tomato plants my dad brought over are thriving. They were so wilty-looking when i first planted them. I didn't think they were going to make it but next day i checked they perked up like the sunshine :).

Not too long ago, i dreamt of K again. It was so good to see him, even if it is just in dreams.

My worktable right now is scattered with broken halves and pieces of eggshells. i sure eat a lot of eggs. I'm so excited. So many possibilities to make them whole again! Finally, ideas are brimming...

these are my treasures

2010-05-19T19:37:00.030-05:00

little hairy dress by Marion Michell (aka Marjojo)

I am so sad i will not be able to make it to see Marjojo's art exhibition coming up next week. It is at The Art House in Wakefield, UK. If you are in the area, i hope you'll go see it! Marjojo will rock your world. The opening is on Wednesday, May 26th, from 5-9pm, with Marjojo giving an artist talk at 7pm. The exhibit is up from 26 May - 21 July 2010.

Marjojo, you are an incredible artist and i think you are a superhero.

dimensions: 8 x 6 cm

paper shoes, each shoe width/length: 4.2 x 7.5 cm; height: 4cm & 7 cm

little wild girl, dress dimensions: 12 x 9.5 x 8 cm

beautiful works by Marion Michell

skins

2010-04-08T22:55:00.008-05:00

......................................scarred
.

.....................................tainted

......................................shriveled

......................................raw

1.pomegranate 2.clementine 3.apple 4.avocado seed

i like my bad haircut

2010-03-03T22:10:00.008-05:00

acrylic and pencil in sketchbook, 10" x 7.5"

John tells me to stop cutting my own hair. Is it really that bad? looks pretty cute to me. I think i am a pro. it's just a little strange that except for one other person, nobody else seemed to have noticed. hmm.

So anyways, the other day, it occurred to me that i could be whatever i wanted to be. like if i wanted to be a doctor, i can go ahead and really do it. It's all just a matter of time and training. I don't know why it was such a revelation but i seriously believed it like i never knew before.

Lately, i've been approaching every little task with the Chinese proverb of moving mountains, one stone at a time in mind. The dishes, the scattered tools, the laundry, tiny bits of styrofoam - picking them all up nice and easy. Not sure where all this is going.

Studio update: a big mess, a drawing here and there, torn prints everywhere, crocheting more bowls to be felted, thorns waiting, spoons cold and neglected...

hi cupid hi tiger hi mr. presidents hello warriors-winners!

2010-02-14T23:11:00.007-05:00

i just want to remember that today has the world spinning even if i'm not.

felted

2010-02-14T20:00:00.010-05:00

some ups and downs. spending vday and lunar new year alone right now. the studio feels empty and abandoned. tomorrow we will go home and be with family. i'll start again and see where this takes me...

monna's hair

2009-12-15T22:20:00.008-05:00

Ting yelled at me for my last post. i sheepishly felt loved again. A couple months ago, while getting my studio space in order, i came upon a newspaper bundle. I opened it and saw two ponytails of Ting's hair. scared the heck out of me. Quickly remembered that i had found it at home last year and secretly took it back with me. Isn't it so beautiful? i am torn about returning it (so it can be donated as it was intended years ago) or keeping it for myself...

So i've been taking it easy with studio work. making more wimpy starts and not finishing much still. I don't like it at all. I decided i need to treat this whole process as work that i have to do regardless if i feel like it or not. EveryDay. well, except for Mondays, cuz the full-day studio weekends are more exhausting than day job work and i'll definitely need a break in the evening. and Thursday evenings cuz we have to watch Survivor (and a movie). And probably Fridays since that is usually our clean-up day. Well. that aint so bad, is it?

Tea time!

pencil and acrylic on paper, 12.7 x 10.2 cm

A drawing done earlier this month. One thing i'm happy with that came out from these few weeks of take-it-easy studio time. But i know i can do more so i will I Will.

scattered underwear

2009-11-15T14:58:00.023-05:00

It's been awhile here. Thank you for still checking in here...it really helps...

I've been moping around about this and that. Mainly: feeling neglected by sisters, being out of touch with cousins, and not being more there for my parents. Well, after a lot of back and forth in my head, it occurred to me that i really need to get a life. I don't have kids yet but i feel like i already know how it is not to be able to let your kids go and live their own lives. It sucks. Well luckily, i do still have my own friends and thank goodness for you guys. ♡

As for studio work, i'm still left with a lot of unfinished pieces that don't seem to be going anywhere. No red red days, you guys :(. I think i need to change my work routine or something. Too much emphasis on having the weekends free to make something that i end up wasting more time scattering about than getting anything done.

My little spoons of joy started not too long ago aren't too happy right now:

I still haven't been able to produce any good prints, even though the copper plates themselves look pretty nice to me:

Sadly realized that i don't really have it in me to be the kind of conceptual artists that i admire. How does one come up with awesome profound ideas? Yesterday, i didn't know where to go with the unfinished works laying around, so i started tearing up some paper. Before i knew it, i had a big bowl and a little bowl of it, and hours had passed.

Instead of getting depressed about how an entire free day passed without accomplishing anything 'substantial', i'm going to start being Okay about spending precious time like this. I like tearing paper. It's also prep work for making the spoons and whatever else later.

i miss you studio

2009-08-17T21:02:00.025-05:00

i used to wake up to this every morning at our old apartment

It's strange to be in such a prettier place now yet still be missing some misshapen things from before. :/. This was the living room turned into my studio:

Note: wig collection hung on wall (i didn't make them) inspired by Marjojo's My Mother Has Golden Hair

and you guys remember my awesome shelves built from just bricks and wooden planks?

unfinished bits and pieces on worktable

These photos were taken by John, a few days before moving out of there to our new house. Still in the midst of unpacking and getting the studio space set up...

beginnings of an offering

2009-06-14T17:13:00.006-05:00

spring

2009-05-11T19:52:00.019-05:00

drypoint & chine colle on japanese paper,
59.5 x 19.5 cm, 1997

An old print. A mess-up but one of my favorites still. My etching press has been sitting idle pretty much since i got it. Makes me wonder that maybe it wasn't not having a press that was keeping me from making prints again. Maybe the desire was never strong enough to begin with? I don't know. I just know i love looking back at the prints that i did make and seeing the works that these artists are making - Jo, Elisabeth, Sarah...

I didn't go home for Mother's Day and wished i weren't so tired not to make the trip. i miss you, Ma. My dad called today and told me that the cousins surprised my mom with a cake at 9:30pm last night. I can imagine my mom's tremendous delight over it. I totally take back what i said about daughters being better than sons, at least definitely not these guys. You guys are really the best of the best. Sorry, Baby, for missing your birthday too. :(.

Studio work is going slow but steady. Nothing that makes my heart beat fast though. Just some re-painting here and there, making some more little spoons, and started a big one that made me realize why big can be so repulsive. Actually, i don't know why, i just want to bury it.

Spring is here but it's still so chilly on some days. like today. but nice to still be under the covers and just read. I've been reading Kevin Brockmeier's books. I am crazy for his writing. Today i came across a passage from his short story The View from the Seventh Layer that i really like:

"...The heart of every house was the kitchen, the soul of every house was the bedroom, and the mind of every house was displayed with hooks and thumbtacks on the walls. But the conscience of every house...was the bookshelves..."

I guess it doesn't make me feel so bad about having so many things around me that i like to have around.

I wish it'll get warmer soon so i can wear my new flip flops.

sketches

2009-04-18T18:32:00.013-05:00

sleeping heads, on plane to Hawaii 3.31.09, pen drawing in sketchbook,19 x 25cm

Also, overheard on the plane ride:

Little boy who eats nonstop with his mother:
When are we going to blast off?

Minutes later, we hear two other kids up front counting down to blast off as the plane is taking off.

Same two kids, as the beverage cart starts to come down the aisle -

Little girl: I want juice.
Little boy: I want coffee.
Little girl cracks up and then: I want BEER.

ahhaha. makes me think of Ting and Baby. I wish i knew to jot down their dialogues then.

-----
Happy to be back. Finally cleaned up my studio and ready to continue with some works. A sketch done shortly before i left:

pink underwear, pencil and acrylic wash in sketchbook

undies

2009-03-11T21:13:00.027-05:00

sewn on paper, not bigger than my palm, works in progress

holding them to the light:

woman, weeping

2009-02-02T20:38:00.010-05:00

string over paper and wire, 166 x 5.5 cm

my pale weeping spoon

late beginnings

2009-01-07T21:17:00.020-05:00

Early last September, dear wonderful Barbara gave me a dozen eggs fresh from her chickens at home. Sam I Am lays the green eggs. I love all of them so and tried to save the eggshells. Their colors and shapes are so pretty to look at, even the broken ones...

I tried wrapping one of the eggshells but it did not turn out right at all. Felt like i was suffocating it. They are beautiful naked as is, aren't they?

---
Today i meet again the guy who reminds me of K. It's been years. Did not recognize him at first but his voice sounded familiar, only louder than what i remembered. He looked changed and not so much like K anymore.

It was good to be home for the holidays and be with the family even though i kept telling people how exhausting it was. My cousins are more and more heroic to me. I wish for more time together with them and my sisters. Soygu looking younger with Sharrlyn and my parents have stopped aging. Called home after driving back late Friday night to let them know we've arrived safely, and i could hear the noise and chatter in the background. Next morning, i woke up thinking of everyone and feeling so lonely. I especially miss my sisters and cousins. Don't want them to ever grow old.

my paper underwear

2008-12-15T21:22:00.034-05:00

paper and thread, 5 cm red stitched across

Have been making some paper experiments, sketches. This is one of them, made two Saturdays ago. A rough sketch, carelessly torn and sewn together, rather crappy looking. I don't know why i like it so much. Hung it by the window like it is magically suspended in the air! I like looking at it like that. Want to make more paper underwear and prints.

A print made the following day. Five Dirty Panties below:

thread and chine colle, about 3.5 cm each little panties, work in progress

I need to work on it some more. maybe some pencil drawing on top.

-----
To Carolina: red red prayers for finding dear *Pepe*
*

a love story

2008-11-23T19:27:00.024-05:00

waxed thread through paper over wire, 22.5 x 3 cm together

Yesterday John ate and ate the horrible beef that i cooked up, along with the burnt piece of cake that i baked not from scratch; and i endured his endless one-sided discussion on Superman the first movie that i -almost- could care less about watching but watched anyway...

*
I wish that when i was younger, i could have known, understood, that no matter how annoyed or angry they got with one another, my parents would never leave each other.

*
Today i started making a bigger than life size spoon. I've also been collecting eggshells and drying baby gourds. Summertime my big bowl of dried grapefruit and orange skins got infested by moth worms and i am left with only a few unharmed pieces. Things decay but i have to remember not to let them collect dust.

It feels strange but good to be back here...Thank You to all who still took the time to say hello and stayed with me even while i was away...

hello new space!

2008-08-20T21:48:00.005-05:00

So i've been busy trying to reorganize my workspace again. I've built a wall of new shelves with these cute little bricks and 8' wooden planks (placed on top of bookcases)! It's still all kind of messy but at least there is space in the middle of the room to breathe and stretch out.

I don't really know where to pick up right now. am not able to write about the promise spoons or continue with things i had in mind to do. want a nice old bike to ride around and enjoy these last few days of summer. this morning was freezing. looking forward to some hot sun tomorrow and pretend i am heading out to the beach.

.....

2008-07-22T22:48:00.005-05:00

I've started with the idea of making a 'his and hers' spoon set, then switched to 'his and his' after 'hers' did not seem to fit. It felt gimmicky and i quit forcing it. I got thinking about other things.

Right now still having trouble deciding how to post these individually. How much to tell and how much to keep to myself...? They are almost too personal but that is not what i want them to be about.

these promises

2008-07-15T22:17:00.010-05:00

more later...

tamarind bloom

2008-07-01T20:26:00.030-05:00

The inner veinery of tamarind pods that Conor @ RedCatBlackCat sent me earlier this year.

Look what else my good old buddy saved for me after eating the sweet sour tamarind pulp:

Tamarind seeds! Click for larger image to see the lovely blue gem among the pebble of seeds. As if everything else isn't enough already. :).

I love it all, Conor. *You* are wonderful. The red dragonflies on the card you sent have also been flying in my head lately...

I have these around me as i am finishing up with my promise spoons. Want to do something with the tamarind veinery afterwards. i wonder what.

light

2008-06-19T22:51:00.009-05:00

oil & mixed media on masonite board, 34.3 x 132 cm (+ 5 cm relief surface), 2002

An old painting, very heavy. I feel like this now, buried sort of feeling, but not death, more like seeding, if that is the right word.

one beginning

2008-06-10T23:11:00.016-05:00

etching, mezzotint, drypoint & chine colle on hahnemuhle printmaking paper, image size 9.5 x 9.5 cm

My first signed print in 9 years. blah blah blah. i finally got one decent wiping of the plate. Feels like i'm just starting over again, not yet picking up where i left off. Totally not like riding a bike.

I'm wishing for magic with these:

and i need to go on my trails.

i think i'm going somewhere with this

2008-06-03T20:55:00.016-05:00

an old print torn to strips

So this weekend i have started printing again. Took out some old plates from college years and also some more recent ones that i started ~~last year~~ a couple of years ago. Look how neat my table is. No nasty hair.

(before)

Cat, your hair is everywhere here.

---
And this print i thought was horrible is okay after all...

black spoon

2008-05-26T21:41:00.019-05:00

thread over wire, paper, hair & wax, 6cm hollow

I thought that i would keep on wrapping it up, leaving strands and strands of thread hanging down, like that of a black widow in mourning. But what is a name for a mother who lost her child? I accidentally burnt the center when trying to smooth out the wax surface. I think i will melt some more away and start over.

happy mother's day everyday

2008-05-23T21:14:00.013-05:00

my favorite picture of my mom and me

Today my mom called and i found myself yelling at how conservative and messed up her thinking is. I want her not to be ashamed. Her daughters are not dirty and unrespectable.

I look at this picture now and don't know why i always have to be yelling so much. This is essentially who we are to each other, isn't it?

So many trips and visitors this month and last month. One of the best was being home for Mother's Day two weekends ago. My mom and i, we just sat around and chatted and chatted. For once, not about my unstable future, but their great past of survival. My poor dad did all the cooking for us - first one to wake up and made breakfast, continued on to make lunch and then red bean ice cream and then dinner and more food for me to take back with me. sweet day for all of us.

And i finally got the details in chronological order of what my parents went through during the Khmer Rouge suffering. I hope that my mom will decide to write a memoir of it. I know there is still so much left unsaid and more to their story than i'll ever understand.

an old baby

2008-04-30T22:18:00.012-05:00

two days ago

yesterday

today

spoons crazy

2008-04-15T22:36:00.016-05:00

Inspired by my spoon collection and prompted by Paula asking if i am making spoons or collecting them (thanks, Paula!), i have started crazy making spoons these past few days. Oh how happy it makes me! I think i am going to make spoons for the rest of my life now.

the first two that i made.

string over paper on wire, 23 x 7.5 cm

paper on wire, 19 x 5 cm

paper on wire, 25 x 5 cm

This one is my favorite so far. John doesn't care for it but i love it very much.

hang in there

2008-04-06T20:55:00.010-05:00

Today, another horrible printing day. Could not get any of the chine colle pieces to work the way i wanted them to with the thread or the hair. I keep smelling sour dried orange peel under my nose. yuck. Not at all pleasant-smelling like the dried pomelo. Maybe that is why the day isn't going well. too many rotten peels around. bleh. j.k. nothing is rotting here. just in the process of drying and changing.

Ahead for this month:

*take time (!) working on the copper plates!!! no quick fix laziness.

*sketch out the works for the hair, bowls and fruits
(not necessary to mix everything together though)

*trails time :)!

happy birthday, Michael!

2008-04-03T07:27:00.022-05:00

best DaGa these guys could
ever have growing up. ♡ !

fill me

2008-03-26T20:09:00.021-05:00

Except for these clay pieces, nothing much is going on in studio right now. I haven't painted or printed anything at all these past few weeks (months?!). I'm about to burst.

This past weekend, i was home with the family, hanging out mostly with my sisters and cousins. Still so happy that Michael suggested going to the museum, which i totally did not know he would be interested in doing. You're my new museum buddy forever now, Mikey. None of us who went (me, M, and F) to the Whitney Museum were crazy with the current Biennial show but it was good just to have gone together. We all did like one wall drawing by Sol LeWitt and an installation by Carol Bove (okay, just Michael for that one; Francis doesn't like it and i would have liked it more if you could run through it).

Ting and May looking older, more grown-up, so beautiful and alike in ways i had not notice before.

The next day, May gave me a short short haircut that i've been wanting. In the middle of the haircut, the parents' visitors came and i quickly tried to hide and clean up. Saw how nicely the fallen hair got clustered together when i started to pick it up. And before anyone could catch what i was doing, i stuffed it in a bag for me to take back with me. Look where they are now:

Wish i had collected more.

still

2008-03-15T14:18:00.018-05:00

dried orange sewn, 2007

Not making much progress. still fumbling, making small things and lost in the head. Thinking of cradles, vessels and wrapping self.

2006/2007 + recently dried

looking back picking up

2008-03-02T18:43:00.021-05:00

works from BFA thesis show, tape & string on wood and various materials, tallest at 11 feet, 1999

Feeling a need to write things down. Mind is cluttered with stuff, both art and unart related. Grieving hearts, suffering minds, and a broken friendship. Feel helpless. Also trying not to feel guilty about: being out of touch with people in real life but maintaining close contact to this virtual world. It is real to me, too. And is really the only public outlet for my art right now. Want it to be seen as a primary job that i report to on a regular basis. like everyone else who can't just take days off from work whenever they want to.

Many pieces of work scattered about, unfinished. I want to pick up the enthusiasm i had for making big things as when i was working on my thesis show years ago. a little embarrassed to say it's been nearly 10 years ago and i am still looking back, not quite done with what i have started then. I don't mean not done with the pieces themselves. They are finished works but they marked a new beginning for me, one that i stopped short of exploring. Went off towards a different path that was more space-conscious, more practical, and less in courage and timid in drive. Slowly, i find myself breaking out a little with this piece and that. And Now Fully, Consciously, Embracing it.

I want to get back to working more with string and wrapping and mixing mediums crossing disciplines, and just thinking bigger in general.

pop

pretty in pink

lady in red

touch me

pregnant

blue

big

2008-03-01T23:37:00.012-05:00

about 1 meter (a little more than 3 ft) in diameter

My biggest papier mache bowl yet! I can't wait for it to dry and crawl into it.

pink avocados

2008-02-23T17:17:00.013-05:00

acrylic on dried avocado skin, not halves of each other, work in progress

pomstars and moons

2008-02-20T16:49:00.023-05:00

Went home for Chinese New Year's (2.07.08) and helped myself to all the pomelos my parents had in the house. They were so sweet and plump, i ate them all by myself very quickly. so so juicy and not bitter at all. I kept their skin to dry. love the colors.

That big one waiting to be eaten. It is roughly the size of a fat head, i think.

Here it has been devoured and drying quite nicely.

But the smaller ones that were dried earlier don't look too hot right now. Sadly, i had to throw away two other ones because they got rotted by mold from too much moisture on the inside. I tried to salvage what i had left by toasting them in the toaster oven for a quick fix. But i don't think i'll do that again. They look hurt and damaged.

sweet

2008-02-02T17:01:00.001-05:00

Baby's homemade chocolate covered gummi bears, last ones left.

-----
The other night we took turns laughing in our sleep. Neither of us could remember what was so funny but John sure could giggle like a little girl. ahah. :D.

.

2008-01-29T21:27:00.002-05:00

Someone not too happy with me right now. or because of the things i say.

This morning woke up with a slight heartache, dreaming of little Ting playing video games making home furniture explode, of Baby craving for meat and meat because he's been having too much cheese and tomato. Drove to work and passed by two car accidents on the way. Still still smelling of vomit from the spoiled spilled coffee that got on the books in the stacks.

But hey i got an email from Ting today, a good chat with May, another unexpected email from a farawy friend and a package from Baby. yummy homemade chocolate covered gummi bears and comforting vibes, nothing blah about that for sure.

So i finally got to testing out my new etching press this past weekend. Pulled some really horrible washed-out prints. I really need to get some tarlatan. Could not help but thought of K's technical expertise and imagined what he would think, what he would say, how he would look saying it or not saying it. And still now, could not help wishing for more.

color me a clementine

2008-01-20T17:08:00.001-05:00

My little uncle gave me a bag of clementines to take back with me when i was home for the holidays and this here is the last one of the bunch. I took it to work for lunch and noticed how cute it looked sitting on my shelf. It is even cuter in person, not your typical round one. This got a slight slant to it. I had to resist eating it. Made me think of a tiny little breast.

Maybe a series of prints of these? hmmm.

and other observations

2008-01-06T15:56:00.000-05:00

pen, acrylic & collage on altered book, book dimensions 6.25" x 4.25" [started in 2003, came back to it and reworked it end of 2007]

The book started out more as a collection of sketches, quick discreet sketches made while riding the bus. This was when i was still living in NY and the bus commute was about an hour to/from the subway. Some pages had paint laid out first before the sketches were made and others had color/texture added afterwards. I love the looseness and spontaneity of how the pages came about. It/I was not trying to make it become more than what it was, which was simply to observe and capture, take in and sketch, and let some pink help tie it all together.

I came back to it a couple of months ago, thinking i just need to touch it up a bit here and there before posting it up. Well, that was not the case.

I have kept almost all the pen drawings made in 2003 with only 4-5 small new ones created but the whole mood of the book has changed since reworking it. Almost all the pages have been retouched a bit, some with layers of new paint or paper, and a few completely reconstructed. I still miss before because it was more simple and just is what it is. Now, i see there is a trying to tell a story, maybe wanting/needing to be more connected and complete somewhere? Found myself consciously keeping some words on the page because they now have a more personal meaning to me than before.

View book as slideshow @ Flickr: redredday

happy birthday, chuver one!

2008-01-05T15:08:00.000-05:00

♡

happy birthday, Grace!

2008-01-05T13:32:00.000-05:00

I wish i could say i made these and sending them your way for your birthday...but lucky me, i got them first! :D. John and i both enjoyed them very much. Now there are only J and M gingerguys left with the lovely heart between them. aren't they too cute to eat?

And i just love the paper you used to write on. so pretty with the silver writing on it. and the little red pen too!

And...as if all this wasn't enough (and it's not even my birthday), look at the beautiful handmade scarf that Grace made for me...

It is so soft and cozy. Can you tell i am thinking sweet wonderful thoughts of you, Gracie? i am. hope you are enjoying your day with your love...

happy happy new year!

2008-01-01T13:05:00.001-05:00

book finished! more later...

Cheers to a more productive more connected new year!!

oh ho ho!

2007-12-21T14:44:00.000-05:00

Guess what?! my etching press from the Conrad Machine Company finally finally arrived today!

Was a bit peeved that it took 3 months (almost 4 months?) to get here when the estimate time was 2 months. But when i called to ask what the heck is up with it and that i would really like it before Christmas, the lady i spoke to got back to me pretty quickly afterwards and here it is! yay!

Look at how it is packaged. It is held by wooden supports and screwed right to the box. Pretty sturdy packaging. Not a single wasteful un-biodegradable styrofoam material used. The press weighs 100 lbs. I am waiting to take it out because my place is a mess! and have to figure out how to rearrange my workspace. oh i am so excited.

So did i say i had a happy clutter before? it is not.

stupid book is still in progress...

happy birthday, May!

2007-12-04T08:18:00.000-05:00

little May dressed in flowers
reading (?!!) on a bed of flowers

I love this picture of May. She looks so cute and sassy and smart, doesn't she? but i think the book is upside down or something. ;).

Happy happy birthday, MayWong. My world didn't really begin until you were born. ♡

happy birthday, Ma!

2007-11-29T07:27:00.000-05:00

wearing a hat that my mom made for me. John calls me blueberry.

I wish i could be home today to have cake with my mom. It seems like it's been a long while since any one of us has been home to celebrate our parents' birthdays. Next year, Ma!!!

Thanksgiving Day (last Thursday), we were on the phone with Ting, telling her how much she sucked for not being home with us that day. heh. just kidding, Ting. we just missed you. So my mom started tearing up the minute she got on the phone with her little baby, and it just about breaks my heart even now just thinking about it. It is so strange to have someone who could yell at you until you wish you were never even born and then the next moment, she is your light, your soul...

happy birthday, Ma! ♡ i love you.

getting there

2007-11-17T01:04:00.001-05:00

So i am still working on that altered book. I was hoping to have it all done and posted up before i leave for my Thanksgiving trip home but that is just not happening. so much for thinking it will be a quick touch-up.

I spent one week laying down some fresh paint and drawings; the next week, removing, tearing up almost everything i did the week before, and then trying to reconstruct some new pages. And this week, repeating the same whole process again but finally feeling i am getting somewhere...

I had been trying to copy how i drew before and what i already have down, trying to capture the essence of what was done 4 years ago. But only to find that my lines are no longer the same; the pressure is heavier, the lines are awkward, anxious and the paint is too thick, too clunky. I am not the same person anymore. Regretted coming back to rework this book. The original mood of the book felt totally ruined, displaced...

But somehow with all that tearing and reconstructing of the pages, it is helping to reconnect and find the flow and focus of things. Slowly, i am not as afraid to make changes to what is already there, and let what is present with me show through. Either i am finding a way to bridge the gap between then and now, or coming to terms with the fact that the book is evolving and it is its own at this or any point in time, however it will become.

This here is a happy clutter.

tiny lovely

2007-11-12T21:53:00.001-05:00

I was going to wait to post about this but i just can't wait. Finally caught some good daylight yesterday and got to take the pictures.

Look what i received in the mail last Monday!

...arrived just like that, so raw and delicate...love the little clasp on the box...

It is from *Erin*, whom i have yet to meet in person but whose presence has already touched me ever so deeply. Thank you, Erin, for this, and for magically appearing into my life. :).

[click for a closer peek]

I think of the hands that went into tearing these pieces and pieces of paper that look like fine leather and feathers...

and then underneath all that softness...

...a dragonfly i've been looking for, and a tiny tiny lovely blooming:

I saw it and it speaks to me ever so softly, echoing my thoughts.

and the dragonfly...like the one my dad had caught for me to fly with when i was little, because where i was born, there were no toy stores around at the time.

the dragonfly in silent prayers...

when i just want your heart to beat beside mine

2007-11-02T12:20:00.000-05:00

Since last weekend i've been [re]working on this altered book. Thought that it would be a quick wrap-up with just a few pages to touch up here and there. But as it is often the case, you change one thing, something else becomes a bit off and you have to fix that, and then before you know it, it is a domino effect of things to tend to. So the book is still in progress.

In the midst of working on it while waiting for some pages to dry, this sketch came about:

acrylic on graph paper, 30.4 x 15 cm

The lines are from the humidity and temperature readings printed out on graph paper cardstock. Discarded stacks of these readings that i salvaged from work. Maybe i will bind them into a book to sketch in. I like how the lines make me think of the heartbeat.

Last night i caught a glance of the sketch and thought of John, of not being pissed at him anymore...the timeline in my head that i wanted him to live up to transformed into these two lines of heartbeats. I thought of us, of how these are like our hearts beating side by side, closely in sync and in tune with one another...

And i think of those that no longer have a pulse, of K's whose no longer in motion with the universe...but they have before, and maybe that is at least good enough to hold onto for now...

And i imagine how at one point or another, each of us must have our hearts beating at the same pace and rhythm as one other person in the world. maybe someone from the other side of the country or across oceans and seas...

stuck stuck stuck

2007-10-22T21:46:00.001-05:00

Drawing drawing the same old lines again.

But finally, i am breaking through my pen & paper sketching block. Made these two sketches yesterday of my paper wings.

The one below came first. Hated it. Went to do another one (above). Okay with that one but still could not stand this first one:

So i torn up the back side of it and the paper becomes a very thin single-ply sheet...

And look...look how the lines are bleeding through the back...
________________

Today, on the trails, i got lost again and saw the most glorious yellows. I only had to look up and there i am taken to a world where it only matters to be alive and breathing. Felt so good, and so free.

more banana & grapes

2007-10-15T21:26:00.000-05:00

For today's Blog Action Day issue on environment, i was thinking to do a post showing the process of using recycled paper to make these papier mache bowls. But right now, feeling too scattered to show more new work-in-progress, SO, more fruit prints instead. More bananas and grapes again:

[fruit series] chine colle woodcut diptych on arches printmaking paper, each woodcut image 6.5 x 9 cm, 1997

[fruits series] drypoint & chine colle on arches printmaking paper (printed from hard cardboard not copper plate), plate image 7 x 8 cm, 1997

This one above is actually a ghost image pulled immediately from the plate after it had already been inked up and printed on a different sheet of paper. So a paler image was produced from the leftover ink on that plate in the successive printing here. (It is the same plate as the one shown in the previous post Grapes.)

During college, in between meals, i was crazy for fruits, eating maybe 4-6 fruits a day at least, more if i am pulling an all-nighter. So that was how these prints got started, and before i knew it, they became connected with pieces of my thoughts, things from the senses, small details of just being.

...i think that is what a lot of my work is about...

Today i drifted off my usual redwing trail and hiked up a really steep incline. Felt really good to be so high up and be so fully aware of all these trees around me. Didn't realized how steep and high the incline was until i got to the top. Saw some broken bottles and cans scattered about that do not belong here. Pissed me off. Will have to remember to bring a garbage bag with me when i go on the trails now.

Also saw two deer with long tails that looked like nice white fur trimming. Did not know deer could have long tails. At first, i thought they were some woodsmen in their tan work jackets hunched over creepily.

Walked around some more and then suddenly came a rally of these turkey-looking birds bustling by like they got an important meeting to attend. Kept running away from me when i tried to take a closer look to see if they were turkeys or not.

But what startled me the most was this little chipmunk running right across my path out of nowhere. Will have to make John come with me to check out more of this wildlife area of the nature preserve next time.

blog action day today

2007-10-15T08:05:00.000-05:00

more later today/tonight...

grapes

2007-10-14T11:45:00.001-05:00

[fruits series] drypoint & chine colle on arches printmaking paper (printed from hard cardboard not copper plate), image size 7 x 7.5 cm, 1997

peel

2007-10-12T20:31:00.001-05:00

[fruit series] drypoint & chine colle on arches printmaking paper, plate image size 8.3 x 7.1 cm, 1997

trailing

2007-10-10T20:19:00.000-05:00

So i've been out on the trails again today. It's so stupid that it took me four years to discovered these nature trails right on campus where i work. But i guess better late than never. I was lamenting how i wish i could have discovered them at least earlier this spring/summer instead of right now when winter is about to set in.

But today, having come across various beautiful dried things, i think this new autumn beginning on the trails is not so bad at all...(thanks to Marjojo and Catherine for their writing/commenting on the beauty of being outside at this time of the year. It prompted me to quit moping around the house and finally go out for a walk like i keep saying i would).

Found these dried stalks last week when i was on one of the trails. I love them little pellet things bunched up together like that to become leaves.

...in a vase i made sometime in 2004, vase size appx. 5.7 x 9.7 cm

my little wire ladder

2007-10-05T20:49:00.001-05:00

steel & copper wire, appx. 8-10 cm across,
work in progress/study sketch

So i've been slowly, very slowly working on this ladder for this June letters painting that is no longer about the June letters:

[detail, no June letters]

A few layers before this (that had been miserably wiped off, layers of orchres, reds, corals), it had these black letters on it:

And right before that was this:

So really, i have come back to a blank canvas again, just a few shades darker:

Well, not totally blank, as i do see an image of a ladder on it. Hopefully, it will take me somewhere to completion...

Coincidently, the last couple of days, i've been walking on these trail steps made out of wooden planks that look like little ladders. They are scattered around on various trails in the woods and for some reason, it gives me such a thrill to walk on them. That is a good sign, no? Painting is still so new and such a struggle for me, so i could use all the good signs out there for it.

happy birthday, Ba!

2007-10-01T07:41:00.000-05:00

世界上最可愛最了不起的爸爸

生日快樂 ♡ 爸爸 ♡

記得要笑多一點, 不要嘴巴老是扁扁的 ☺

they carry the sounds of wind

2007-09-28T14:09:00.000-05:00

self-hardening red clay, no bigger than 8 cm, in the process of drying

Made these last Wednesday when i called in sick for work. Felt much better at the end of the day.

ham

2007-09-25T21:00:00.001-05:00

Two nights ago, i dreamt that i was in the studio with K. It was the most vivid dream i have of him since his death. I wish i had written this down sooner because i am already losing the details. E was there too. they are waiting for me to get ready to go out for breakfast/lunch. For some reason, i do not want to go with them. too early, too tired, just want to be inside. Finally, i told them i'll just stay, you guys go first, knowing that i'll miss some quality time with them. but thinking it may be better this way. do not want to keep them waiting. and having to pretend it is all okay. they leave. i look around, not really knowing what to do, regretting already that i didn't go with them. before i know it, they are back. so quick. i asked how was lunch? K turns to me with that calm steady look in his eyes, we haven't had lunch yet, will wait and eat together. inside, i am pleased. and so good i could see his face again. they had gone shopping instead and E got him a blanket. the one he has is worn out but i look at the one they just bought and it is made out of some plasticky material. is it even comfortable, warm? definitely not something he would get but he will use it because that is just the way he is.

We are looking at his wall of things. things he has kept in memory? i am surprised to see my mini pink paintings all around. they are even smaller in here. he has a small sliding object that he is showing me. it looks like a matchbox, but a little bigger and the surface looks like it is made out of the skin of a burn victim. it is not as awful as it sounds. i want him to keep showing me things. all around is the color of ham.

tears

2007-09-23T17:47:00.001-05:00

torn paper & collaged drawing (pen & acrylic) on papier mache, 12.5 x 12.5 cm

Remember this little guy from this post?

I finally wrapped it up last weekend with torn paper and bits of a collaged drawing that i did awhile ago. Not sure if more should be done to it...

vineyard

2007-09-19T11:48:00.001-05:00

etching, image size 11.3 x 10.4 cm, 1999

The copper plate for this print had been deeply etched, in which it was left in the acid bath for hours and hours. So long that the area where the copper had been exposed to the acid got quite eaten away, creating a sort of a crater-like surface that held a lot of ink when the plate was inked up to be printed.

I was really happy at how much ink was able to get transferred onto the paper when it was printed. It does not show too well in these images, but on the actual print, it has quite a 3-D effect, like that of a small relief painting. I want to explore more of these effects with etching when i get my new press. Want to also continue breaking out of the perfectly squared/straight edges of the plate/canvas.

slice

2007-09-16T11:32:00.000-05:00

etching, chine colle on BFK grey printmaking paper, image size 16 x 22 cm, 1997

spoons mountain

2007-09-14T13:33:00.002-05:00

watercolor monotype on arches printmaking paper, image size 14 x 11.4 cm on paper size 35.8 x 28.4 (above image is cropped, so you would see more white space around the image in the actual print), 1997

Watercolor image was first painted on printable/paintable acetate [wet-media acetate] and then when it is dry, it is printed on slightly damp printmaking paper, as what you see here.

glued & tagged

2007-09-10T18:28:00.002-05:00

pen sketch on white paper scrap, placed on discarded book page, scrap size 15 x 4.5 cm

Okay, it is time to follow up on some tags and awards.

Awhile ago in May, Jade at Spectrescope tagged me, where you're supposed to name 7 random things about yourself, and then tag 7 more people. I just started my blog then so i was tremendously pleased to be mentioned, and by an artist whose work i so was/am crazy for, too. It was there that i broke out and left my very first comment.

Then Uschi at Papierwelt also tagged me. This time, with a list of questions to answer. Again, i was quite delighted, particularly because i am just very fond of Uschi. We never met but right away, i can sense her kindness and thoughfulness, the kind of person you can probably count on for just about anything. That's true, right, Uschi? :).

Not too long ago, i received the Rockin' Girl Blogger from Bridgette at Contemplating the Moon, which is just really sweet because she has already been so generous in linking to me. Bridgette is probably one of the most giving and productive artists out there. I once commented on how i love the blue she used on this painting and how i kept messing up trying to make that same blue. And a couple of minutes later, there was an email from her giving me the recipe for mixing that blue. Is she cool or what?? :).

Finally, very recently, Kim at Something to Say listed me for the Inspirational Blogger Award. Yay! I came across Kim at Flickr and was quite taken by her photographs of flowers. Never really cared for fresh flowers until i saw her pictures. Seriously, i haven't looked at a flower the same way ever since. If you check out her wallpapers, you will know what i mean.

oh boy, this is going to be a long post...

Okay, instead of responding to each individual tag, i will just combine them all together somehow into one happy one:

Random things about myself i've been eager to share...

◙ Hello, World, i just placed an order on a brand-new factory fresh etching press!!! It's just a tiny one but it's real and professional quality (or so that is what i am told). I didn't go for a really cheap one at Dickblick's that i was going to settle for. Instead, i got this one directly from the manufacturer. 20-year warranty, man. yes! but i have to wait two months for it to be made and shipped out to me. I guess i could get cranking on working on those copper plates in the meanwhile...

◙ Intaglio printmaking is my first love that i discovered in college, and could not have asked for a better professor/mentor for it. I actually only got into painting after college because i didn't have access to an etching press and thought it was a more direct approach to putting the image down. But my process is very similar to how i would go about making a print, layer by layer, step by step:

-preparing the canvas [wooden panel] by cutting the panel, then sanding, nailing and bracing it

-creating the image in layers of one color at a time (as how one would prepare each plate of color separately)

-having deeply scratched lines or some kind of texture created on the surface (just like how etching plates are being worked on with the needle tool, burnisher or mezzotint rocker, all very physical).

◙ I probably look like a little kid in the picture above but i just happily turned 30 a few months ago. This is opposed to miserably turning 20 when i was lamenting about how nothing romantically memorable happened in my teenage years, not even a little kiss on my beautiful full awaiting lips. Now i have all that i had wanted and more. FInally! :).

◙ I like to pluck hair. like leg hair and such, especially while talking on the phone or procrastinating. This probably came from when we were little, my dad would have us help him pluck out whiskers that got missed from shaving. I'm not as bad as May who likes to also pop pimples, which extends to grooming other people close to her (picture chimpanzees). Poor Bryan. (Happy Anniversary, btw.)

Okay, i think i should stop now.

banana grapes, etching, drypoint & chine colle on Arches printmaking paper, 1997

Onto people i am anxious to tag (okay, excluding those who have tagged me or you guys would also have been on my list)...every blogger i know probably already has been tagged so i will just ignore that and proceed to mention those who made a difference to my little blogging world (sorry i am totally breaking the rules of the tagging game):

First and foremost, those close to me who do not have a blog (yet) to link to-

◙ Grace and Aliya, for your friendship and constant support right from the beginning when i first started this blog. I don't think i could have gone on so steadily without you guys being there, giving me feedback and making me feel okay about my awkwardness.

I met Grace when we were in AmeriCorps together. I was first struck by her big beautiful poofy hair and her warm smile. And then when i talked to her, she was all goodness, the most non-judgmental person i know.

Aliya, i met in college, also an art major. And she will tell it straight as to how she sees it. Fun, funny, and always genuine. Hoping you and Grace will have your own blog so you can show the world your art and share your crazy thoughts.

◙ And Maisie, for being there even before the blog, someone who i have been sharing my thoughts about where and how i should go about with art and life and just stuff that comes to mind between us. We've been friends since high school and she is the best kind of friend anyone could have. Unpretentious, thoughtful, trustworthy, and also a super talented interior designer. i am hoping we'll be neighbors (just like how we started out) so we can grow old together.

◙ Next, my mom and Ting for your love and believing in me through it all. And Francis (aka "Chuver...") for your craziness and updates of what's going on at home.

My mom, who is creative in many ways: writing, making clothes (including a beautiful wedding dress for May), budgeting finances, making the most out of the smallest space, is probably my biggest fan, as she also checks out all the profiles and websites of every single person who left a comment. So beware. ;).

One of the best things about having this blog is that i can share the process of art-making with people (particularly family and friends) who aren't already into art. Your interest and attention are just as important as any artsy fartsy person, if not more.

And now onto tagging some bloggers...for those who have not been tagged, please consider this an official tag to list some random facts about yourself! And you guys are also tagged with both the Rockin' Girl Blogger and the Inspirational Blogger Award.

◙ dearest Marjojo at My Art Grows Around Me
How do i begin to express how deeply affected i am by your words, your works, your ever perceptive insightful feedback, and the dialogue between us? BTW, i also learn a new word for every post or comment you make. If there was just one art pill to take, i would take yours any time of the day.

◙ crazy (my cousin said it, not me) Anne-Laure at A Path No Wider Than A Pencil Stroke
Did i tell you i love your boxes? and now your recent progression with the tracing paper. My heart is racing for it and i'm waiting to see those images on the big screen before saying more. Right from the beginning when you first left a comment here, i knew we'll be having a good exchange of thoughts and feedback!

◙ Erin, Erin the Sculptress
We have only just recently made contact, yet i already feel some kind of bond with you (sorry if i am imposing myself onto you). I am touched by your thoughts and how you are working through things with your work and what you find around you.

◙ Kruse at Welcome to My Brain
If you go and read through Kruse's blog, i bet you'll come out a little bit different. I think it is really good organic food for the art soul. I'm so looking forward to seeing the new work you'll be posting up, Kruse!

◙ Bobbi at Cobaltika
I love Bobbi's writing and the photographs that she takes to accompany her thoughts. It is like going into a little enchanted world that only she could take you to. Yet, it is all very real how she tells it, her inner thoughts and feelings about things and people close to her. I got hooked right from the first time i came across her blog.

----
Okay, that's it. I think i have babbled on for a year's worth of posts now.

two jelly things

2007-09-07T16:15:00.000-05:00

paper on wire & clay, distance in between: 6 cm

Was playing around with these the other day while taking their pictures. Originally, they were conceived to be jellyfish-like:

But i think i am liking them as they are without any specific identity to them...

one floating heart

2007-09-04T21:41:00.001-05:00

paper on wire and clay, heart dimensions 12 x 15 cm

xx

2007-08-31T20:21:00.000-05:00

rub-on letters & acrylic on collaged text pages, book dimensions 18.7 x 14.5 cm

View as slideshow @ Flicker: redredday

one blue apple slice

2007-08-27T19:14:00.001-05:00

Grace, look what i made with one of the blue papers you gave me. It's a slice of a blue apple.

Took all of Saturday evening to make even though the end result doesn't look like much. lots of layering of the torn paper. Want to make more but need to figure out a more efficient way to do it...i think i might be onto something...so thank you for giving me more paper to play with!

more dried things

2007-08-26T20:25:00.000-05:00

Except for the dried orange peel and the papier mache bowls, these have all been collected this past spring and summer. Ironic, isn't it? since these dried fallen things are probably more often associated with autumn and winter. But there are things falling and dying all the time.

While waiting for the clayballs to dry last month, i had been shaving some tree branches picked up at the parks nearby. I am saving the wood shavings for making more papier mache things.

After the branches were shaved, they were cut into these little wooden pieces:

Look how they relate to my orange nipples painting [still work in progress]:

It was actually from the painting that i thought to cut them up so you could see the perfect dotted center.

I like salvaging these things that would have been just left to fade away. like the fact that even though they are essentially dead, they still exist and you can still see how beautiful they are.

bugs on my wind panel

2007-08-26T20:12:00.000-05:00

these dried-up things

2007-08-25T22:00:00.001-05:00

things i've been collecting...

black wings

2007-08-22T02:23:00.000-05:00

oil on wood panel, work in progress [detail]

not much

2007-08-15T20:36:00.001-05:00

I wish there was more to show for the current state of the June letters but as it is, there just isn't much yet.

It looks like i probably won't even incorporate the letters themselves. at least not on this panel. I am painting the words right onto the wooden panel instead of hammering the cut-out letters onto it as originally planned.

The letters* went through several stages, creating new canvases in the process of it:

The panel above is this new [unfinished] painting below--

[previous post of a detail image of this]

These became the pink series. I thought the letters could work being separated on a series of mini panels but doing so broke up the words into just meaningless letters.

Below, i was feeling so giddy, thinking these are the colors and this would be the final stage. All the letters fit on the panel perfectly, leaving out just the question mark...

But the words are just on the surface and they need to be etched deeper somehow.

-------------
*These letters came from a line in one of John Keats' poems, To the Ladies Who Saw Me Crown'd:

Or June that breathes out life for butterflies?

colors of june & august

2007-08-11T13:28:00.000-05:00

more on this later... (if i get anywhere with it)

opening

2007-08-06T21:49:00.001-05:00

etching, drypoint & chine colle on hahnemuhle printmaking paper, image (plate) size is 60.5 x 25.4 cm printed on 81 x 60 cm paper size.

The maroon dark red is the chine colle tissue paper printed/pasted onto the heavier printmaking paper (it was laid on top of the copper plate that has the etched drawing [inked up in blue] and ran through the press to be printed on the heavier paper).

hair

2007-08-04T13:02:00.001-05:00

etching, drypoint & mezzotint on arches printmaking paper (cream color), image size 36 x 41 cm on 56 x 66 cm paper size

back of print showing the impression of the little plates printed together.

dusk falling

2007-07-31T20:55:00.000-05:00

window view for xiaodi, sunsetting, not dusk yet.

Wearing sunglasses as i am typing this by my window...don't know why i didn't think of this sooner. It makes looking at the computer monitor so much easier on my aging pinguecula eyes [warning! this link will take you to some not very pretty images]. One eye got inflamed from too much fun in the sun or something. Probably more from lack of good sleep is what it is...

I've been having some really bad dreams lately. It started with the one where i get a call that xm died. I actually tried emailing him the next day but the messages sent to different email addresses all bounced back. Have no other way to get in touch with him right now.

Other disaster dreams:
[two nights ago] I wake up and saw that my scalp is veiny reddish, and realized with horror that it is from hair falling out. My sisters are with me. We all turned to look at my pillow and saw a pile of fallen hair. May or Ting quickly grabbed all of it and threw it out, to save me from looking more at it.

[some days before the hair dream] I am in some construction site and running around trying to get to where i was going. Lots of pipes and tunnels. Bumped into someone who is bleeding and also trying to find a way out. He is also looking for his lover. It turns out i am in the middle of some secret planning for some world destruction. I woke up before i could get out of it.

[last night] I am driving and suddenly drove off the road. But thankfully, i did not dent the car or anyone. So i guess, it is not all bad. The two ladies at the insurance company are giving me a hell of a problem though.

In my waken state, besides my one red eye, i am actually doing quite well. So i really don't know what is up with these dreams. Thinking and absorbing too much maybe.

Well, there is some anxiety with the paintings i am working on...

This past weekend i was working on these* and boy doesn't it show that i don't know how to paint. I envy those who have such a natural sense of how the paint moves and how the colors could come together the way they want them to. Me, i have to keep trying and trying and pushing the paint around to see what would work. In a very clumsy and 'amaturish' way.

These are at their muddy state right now, and i will quit being ashamed of them:

(*They are actually panels from one of the cut-up black series paintings. Not sure if they will remain part of the black series or not later.)

spoons and forks II

2007-07-27T09:52:00.002-05:00

etching (spitbite aquatint, sugarlift) & drypoint on arches printmaking paper, image size is 16.2 x 22.5 cm on 32 x 38 cm paper size
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● To convert centimeters to inches, multiply by 0.4
● To convert inches to centimeters, multiply by 2.54

new mini pink series?

2007-07-23T14:50:00.001-05:00

oil & mixed media on wooden panel, 6"x 6" each

May, look what came out from the comment you left me on that pink painting (the first one above is supposed to be a mini version for you but it did not turn out as good as i thought it would...so it may have to be reworked into something else...)

I thought i could make use of the June letters to use on these but they are not working well with any of them. Just as Uschi suggested here, the background for those letters does need to be on a longer and slimmer canvas...and i was so excited thinking these letters will be my fastest completed works yet.

Instead, more new problematic paintings to add to my pile of unfinished works!

june letters not going anywhere

2007-07-22T20:02:00.002-05:00

This is ~~giving me a headache~~ pissing me off...!

monna

2007-07-17T16:51:00.000-05:00

pen & rub-on letters on aged/discolored loose leaf paper, book dimensions 6.2" x 5.25", 37 pages

Except maybe for the messy hair, these sketches do not look anything like my sister at all but i love them anyway. You can see that they don't even look like the same person among the pages. But i was so into the sketching at the time and so glad to have such a willing and natural (unposed) model, i didn't care.

Ting, so good you never complained how badly i drew you. :).

--> view as slideshow @ Flicker: red red day

clayballs

2007-07-13T20:56:00.001-05:00

I made these clayballs right before my parents came to visit earlier this week. They will be used for more wrapping sketches. The clayballs, not my parents.

My parents are my heroes. I wish i had not forgotten to take pictures of them while they were here. Especially of my smiley mom with all her crazy blanket purchases filling the whole bedroom, and of my dad showing me how to make the bittermelon egg dish. yummmy. We were all so caught up in the moment of shopping and eating and cooking together. Best is that they are becoming younger in spirit and i wanted to capture that.

I miss them already and they are right that we should all live closer together. They drove 5 hours south to see May and then 5 hours north to see me. Parents really should not have to work that hard just to get to see their kids. And Ting is half way across the country whom they kept mentioning as we sat around eating and talking.

This is the first time my parents came to visit me since i moved here with John. I was eager to show off our place, my scattered works and things, but i think they feel sorry that i am not living in a nicer place, having more fancier things.

But i already have so much that i am happy with that i am more afraid of losing what i have than thinking about having more.

remember what today is

2007-07-07T15:01:00.001-05:00

paper and string on wire, about 9.5" across [work in progress, sketch]

This is my paper leaf hat, still in the working. In my rush in making it, i did not stop to get a better sense of how it will fit on a head. As it is, it looks quite stupid on my head so that is why there is no picture of me wearing it.

I am rushing through things these days, forgetting to let the fingers linger longer on the materials and for the eyes to dwell as much as they want to on the different markings and creases...too anxious to wrap it all up, too eager to show and tell, wanting still to recapture something that was lost or has been...

And i am seeing this not just in my work, but also in relationships with friends and family, wanting desperately to hang onto the moments, the feelings that once were...even if it is not with the same person or circumstances.

It is like what you said, John, about how some writers never went beyond their first great novel because they were still trying to recreate what they achieved in the past. Masterpieces can't be recreated, can they? Got to start fresh and build upon where you left off, not retrace and live backwards.

Something i just realized more concretely in the realm of friendships. Need to see them for what they are individually, and take time to let each one become what it wants to be at its own pace, and not impose expectations and the past onto it...

planet red*

2007-07-03T21:29:00.000-05:00

My shelftop of little things and the big red planet candle that i bought all the way from Denver.

*For your curiousity, Uschi. :).

happy birthday, Ting-dong!

2007-07-03T07:28:00.000-05:00

Look what i got you! don't know what it is really but it's super bright and squishy and smells a bit funny, so immediately i thought of you! :). love love.

blue day some days

2007-07-02T22:57:00.001-05:00

...and other observations

2007-06-29T16:45:00.000-05:00

acrylic and pen on somebody's published book, book dimensions are 6.25" x 4.25"

It's bad enough that i took the liberty to deface somebody's book but now i can't even remember the original title and author of the book. The title is something "A___ and Other Observations". If anyone happens to know it, would you let me know? I would like to purchase another copy to keep in its original state.

This was one of the people i had sketched while riding the bus a few years ago.

I do miss this kind of sketching but for some reason, just can't seem to get back into it.

about them sketches

2007-06-27T21:39:00.000-05:00

So before i made my paper leaf dropping last week, i had been beating myself up for not sketching as regularly as i used to.

Years ago, i would sketch almost everyday, going through maybe 3-5 sketchbooks a year. Drawing/collaging while watching tv, talking on the phone, riding on the bus, blah blah blah.

Today i still have the one sketchbook started in 2003 and it is still barely filled. Mostly just skimpy [half-assed] drawings in there that i forced myself to do. It nagged at me all the time since i was pretty stuck on thinking i got to draw everyday because that is what all artists *should* do. But i just had no desire (or not enough discipline) to dwell into those blank empty pages.

Instead, i found myself mindlessly wrapping the dried gourds. Just wanting to cover up the raw dirty-looking surface and make it like new again, not really caring where i was going with them.

While wrapping one of them, i noticed some scrap wire pieces lying around. So i grabbed those and started twisting them into loops for more wrapping to do. What came out were those paper wings and this guy here:

Japanese mulberry paper over wire and clay, about 5.5" across*

I don't know why it took me so long to realize that i've been sketching all along. If i knew i were, i would be making so many more of these in the last couple of years! I didn't know where the heck they were going so i couldn't allow myself to spend too much time on them and of course, no wasting of those precious Japanese papers! nooo, gotta be painting and making masterpieces all the tiiime!

It's ~~funny~~ stupid how the mind works sometimes.

Bend, Mind, bend. Bend and twist like your paper wire sketches...

*Please note that this little guy has a little genitalia. Either that or that thing that hangs in the back of the throat.
(Ma, don't be embarrassed to look. Click for larger image.)

polka dots and nipples

2007-06-25T21:27:00.000-05:00

pencil and oil on wood panel, detail of the panel for June letters [work in progress]

Okay, i have to put off writing about those 3-d sketches i had been posting up lately. It is just looking too bland here when in real life my head is just spinning with colors.

Above is the new panel i painted for the June letters which i think is going to be repainted again because i'm just not too crazy about how it will go with them newly painted blue-grey letters here...

It's a vicious cycle with this painting and repainting when i don't have the letters together on the panel to compare and contrast. Got to just hammer down the letters onto the board once everything is dry and get going.

And at the exact moment while i was thinking about this today, look what caught my attention:

I saw it on the ground out of nowhere on my way home. Is it a sign or what? same color as the painting that i was just thinking to repaint!

It happened to be dead, which saved me from agonizing over whether to take it home with me or not just so i can take a picture of it. (I am also starting a bug collection, by the way.) It is now sitting on top of one of my gessoed papier mache bowls.

my paper purse

2007-06-24T14:06:00.000-05:00

paper on wire and clay, about 10" across [a sketch]

wings

2007-06-22T23:24:00.000-05:00

paper on wire, about 5" across [work in progress]

Another 'sketch' i made (two years ago?)...more on these 'sketches' later...

It's been hanging out in this little vase i made (2.75" x 2.5"):

...maybe to be used for a still-life painting.

one paper leaf dropping

2007-06-20T19:39:00.000-05:00

paper on copper wire [work in progress, a sketch]

leaf dropping (the loop with the text) is about 4" x 3" in diameter

Note to self: See this as a 3-D sketch, a sketch made by touch rather than by a pen or a brush as what you were so stupidly stuck on...