Saturday, July 7, 2007

remember what today is

paper and string on wire, about 9.5" across [work in progress, sketch]

This is my paper leaf hat, still in the working. In my rush in making it, i did not stop to get a better sense of how it will fit on a head. As it is, it looks quite stupid on my head so that is why there is no picture of me wearing it.

I am rushing through things these days, forgetting to let the fingers linger longer on the materials and for the eyes to dwell as much as they want to on the different markings and creases...too anxious to wrap it all up, too eager to show and tell, wanting still to recapture something that was lost or has been...

And i am seeing this not just in my work, but also in relationships with friends and family, wanting desperately to hang onto the moments, the feelings that once were...even if it is not with the same person or circumstances.

It is like what you said, John, about how some writers never went beyond their first great novel because they were still trying to recreate what they achieved in the past. Masterpieces can't be recreated, can they? Got to start fresh and build upon where you left off, not retrace and live backwards.

Something i just realized more concretely in the realm of friendships. Need to see them for what they are individually, and take time to let each one become what it wants to be at its own pace, and not impose expectations and the past onto it...


  1. I love this paper leaf-thingemy, it's delicate and beautiful and ever so slightly scary (the thread). I wished you wouldn't turn it into a hat, it's perfect as it is. In fact I want it...
    What you write resonates with me too. It's so easy to fall into this make-finished-accomplished-work trap, everything has to become something IMMEDIATELY. It's a pressure we put on ourselves, all by ourselves. I'm just trying to learn to play, to give myself space to experiment more. Let the work breathe. It scares me, I want to define it/myself. There are so many ways of sketching and just hovering over something that might become ... is exciting too, isn't it.
    Hey, and I just saw that you're currently crazy about my 5 perfect maidens! thank you.

  2. perhaps..what you're looking for are some really strong roots.
    Being rooted....
    If I don't fell rooted sometimes I have the feeling that everything runs through my fingers like water...
    Strange hat but great paperwork!

  3. Wow, I know how you feel. I'm feeling the same way lately. Amazing how we (as connected friends, and as humans in general) feel the same things, and to hear it explained the same way that I'm thinking, or rather to realize what I'm doing via the explanation.. it's cool, for lack of a better term.

  4. your hat really is extraordinarily beautiful.
    loss can be crippling, we want everything at once; i know i do :)

  5. It made me laugh when you said how you were intending it to be a hat and didn't try it on, that happens to me with knitting when I just want to keep on knitting and not take the time to take care of the other details.
    Are you working towards a show? Is that why the hurry?
    I find that it's hard to balance keeping that openness to where the work is leading you, while still trying to have work that fits together. That's when I guess the opposite problem comes, where you start to rely on what is already known and becomes automatic. I guess I waver between those two things.

    a lot of it seems to be about accepting to let go and see what happens

    I'm curious to see how what this hat turns out like.

  6. I really enjoyed (?) reading your post. You described the feeling perfectly in a way I would never have thought. I am this way too, so thanks for the insight. I also was surprised by anne-laure's question what is the hurry about? I never asked myself that! I put a 'time' connotation on everything. So I will always say I don't have enough time and even use it as an excuse not to start. I read this yesterday - "There are two times in life, now and too late." Ahh, it makes me panic! I love love love your leaves, and will have to see it finished as a hat to believe it!

  7. beautiful post- the work in progress and your words. I have also been feeling so rushed lately and I hate that. I don't want to rush. I want to savor and pause. But for some reason I have been feeling this sense of urgency. Trying to change that right now.

    The chocolate earl grey cake was delicious! If i do say so myself. :) It's not overly sweet cake, but perfectly chocolatey. Perfect with a cup of tea!

  8. Thanks for your comments about my work, makes me feel so good.
    And what you wrote here strikes a chord with so many of us, we all recognise it but find it difficult to change. To switch my mind off from judging is the most difficult thing, and judging doesn't go with playing, does it.

  9. you guys are simply great. thank you for making me feel so connected and supported with your kind words and thoughts. it is really uncanny how good the timing is when you have people there for you when you least expect it and didn't realize you need it until you got it.

    Marjojo, your work continues to affect me in ways that i can't even pinpoint what exactly but it really gets me at the very core...

    Uschi, your insight about being rooted and connecting that with trees in response to my question if it was possible to still be rooted and have your head in the clouds really blew me away. as obvious as it may be, you totally lighted a very dim lightbulb in my head. thank you!

    Grace, it is cool! did i tell you how cool you are, too? :). hey! i just got a new comment from you as i am writing this! are we connected or what?!!

    Jade, extraordinary beautiful are your sculptural pieces for the gallery 9 exhibition!! will go admire them some more after this...

    oh Anne-Laure, it is really hard to let go sometimes...
    but i think for this leaf hat, i will keep that openness that you mentioned and just let it go where it wants to go without imposing its identity to be a wearable hat. of course, that does not mean i will resist the urge to put it on my head. ;). no show or anything like that, so there really is no rush except, as Marjojo says, what we impose on ourselves. this blog right now is my only 'public' outlet.

    Jan, still such a wonderful surprise to see your comment here. i would be curious to hear more of your thoughts on time and how you have/are approaching it now. i always hated the concept of time but maybe it's just a matter of how one approaches it without denying its existence...but how?

    ahhh Bridgette, tea and cake is the best! good tea with anything sweet is goood. i just had some good old frozen sara lee pound cake myself. nothing compared to your homemade chocolate cake though, i'm sure.
    amazing how you are able to get so much done with your paintings while stopping to savor the moments and still having time for visitors and all!!