eggshell spoons

paper, wire, eggshells, works in progress



Something i've been working on these past couple of weeks.



i want to make wings out of you.



John thinks these look like sperms.



Thinking of breath, letting go, keeping steady.

stuck stuck stuck

Drawing drawing the same old lines again.

But finally, i am breaking through my pen & paper sketching block. Made these two sketches yesterday of my paper wings.

The one below came first. Hated it. Went to do another one (above). Okay with that one but still could not stand this first one:


So i torn up the back side of it and the paper becomes a very thin single-ply sheet...


And look...look how the lines are bleeding through the back...
________________

Today, on the trails, i got lost again and saw the most glorious yellows. I only had to look up and there i am taken to a world where it only matters to be alive and breathing. Felt so good, and so free.

black wings

oil on wood panel, work in progress [detail]

dusk falling

window view for xiaodi, sunsetting, not dusk yet.

Wearing sunglasses as i am typing this by my window...don't know why i didn't think of this sooner. It makes looking at the computer monitor so much easier on my aging pinguecula eyes [warning! this link will take you to some not very pretty images]. One eye got inflamed from too much fun in the sun or something. Probably more from lack of good sleep is what it is...

I've been having some really bad dreams lately. It started with the one where i get a call that xm died. I actually tried emailing him the next day but the messages sent to different email addresses all bounced back. Have no other way to get in touch with him right now.

Other disaster dreams:
[two nights ago] I wake up and saw that my scalp is veiny reddish, and realized with horror that it is from hair falling out. My sisters are with me. We all turned to look at my pillow and saw a pile of fallen hair. May or Ting quickly grabbed all of it and threw it out, to save me from looking more at it.

[some days before the hair dream] I am in some construction site and running around trying to get to where i was going. Lots of pipes and tunnels. Bumped into someone who is bleeding and also trying to find a way out. He is also looking for his lover. It turns out i am in the middle of some secret planning for some world destruction. I woke up before i could get out of it.

[last night] I am driving and suddenly drove off the road. But thankfully, i did not dent the car or anyone. So i guess, it is not all bad. The two ladies at the insurance company are giving me a hell of a problem though.

In my waken state, besides my one red eye, i am actually doing quite well. So i really don't know what is up with these dreams. Thinking and absorbing too much maybe.

Well, there is some anxiety with the paintings i am working on...



This past weekend i was working on these* and boy doesn't it show that i don't know how to paint. I envy those who have such a natural sense of how the paint moves and how the colors could come together the way they want them to. Me, i have to keep trying and trying and pushing the paint around to see what would work. In a very clumsy and 'amaturish' way.

These are at their muddy state right now, and i will quit being ashamed of them:











(*They are actually panels from one of the cut-up black series paintings. Not sure if they will remain part of the black series or not later.)

wings

paper on wire, about 5" across [work in progress]

Another 'sketch' i made (two years ago?)...more on these 'sketches' later...

It's been hanging out in this little vase i made (2.75" x 2.5"):

...maybe to be used for a still-life painting.