still

dried orange sewn, 2007

Not making much progress. still fumbling, making small things and lost in the head. Thinking of cradles, vessels and wrapping self.


2006/2007 + recently dried

and other observations

pen, acrylic & collage on altered book, book dimensions 6.25" x 4.25" [started in 2003, came back to it and reworked it end of 2007]

The book started out more as a collection of sketches, quick discreet sketches made while riding the bus. This was when i was still living in NY and the bus commute was about an hour to/from the subway. Some pages had paint laid out first before the sketches were made and others had color/texture added afterwards. I love the looseness and spontaneity of how the pages came about. It/I was not trying to make it become more than what it was, which was simply to observe and capture, take in and sketch, and let some pink help tie it all together.

I came back to it a couple of months ago, thinking i just need to touch it up a bit here and there before posting it up. Well, that was not the case.

I have kept almost all the pen drawings made in 2003 with only 4-5 small new ones created but the whole mood of the book has changed since reworking it. Almost all the pages have been retouched a bit, some with layers of new paint or paper, and a few completely reconstructed. I still miss before because it was more simple and just is what it is. Now, i see there is a trying to tell a story, maybe wanting/needing to be more connected and complete somewhere? Found myself consciously keeping some words on the page because they now have a more personal meaning to me than before.

View book as slideshow @ Flickr: redredday

happy happy new year!

book finished! more later...

Cheers to a more productive more connected new year!!

getting there

So i am still working on that altered book. I was hoping to have it all done and posted up before i leave for my Thanksgiving trip home but that is just not happening. so much for thinking it will be a quick touch-up.

I spent one week laying down some fresh paint and drawings; the next week, removing, tearing up almost everything i did the week before, and then trying to reconstruct some new pages. And this week, repeating the same whole process again but finally feeling i am getting somewhere...



I had been trying to copy how i drew before and what i already have down, trying to capture the essence of what was done 4 years ago. But only to find that my lines are no longer the same; the pressure is heavier, the lines are awkward, anxious and the paint is too thick, too clunky. I am not the same person anymore. Regretted coming back to rework this book. The original mood of the book felt totally ruined, displaced...

But somehow with all that tearing and reconstructing of the pages, it is helping to reconnect and find the flow and focus of things. Slowly, i am not as afraid to make changes to what is already there, and let what is present with me show through. Either i am finding a way to bridge the gap between then and now, or coming to terms with the fact that the book is evolving and it is its own at this or any point in time, however it will become.


This here is a happy clutter.

when i just want your heart to beat beside mine

Since last weekend i've been [re]working on this altered book. Thought that it would be a quick wrap-up with just a few pages to touch up here and there. But as it is often the case, you change one thing, something else becomes a bit off and you have to fix that, and then before you know it, it is a domino effect of things to tend to. So the book is still in progress.

In the midst of working on it while waiting for some pages to dry, this sketch came about:


acrylic on graph paper, 30.4 x 15 cm

The lines are from the humidity and temperature readings printed out on graph paper cardstock. Discarded stacks of these readings that i salvaged from work. Maybe i will bind them into a book to sketch in. I like how the lines make me think of the heartbeat.



Last night i caught a glance of the sketch and thought of John, of not being pissed at him anymore...the timeline in my head that i wanted him to live up to transformed into these two lines of heartbeats. I thought of us, of how these are like our hearts beating side by side, closely in sync and in tune with one another...

And i think of those that no longer have a pulse, of K's whose no longer in motion with the universe...but they have before, and maybe that is at least good enough to hold onto for now...

And i imagine how at one point or another, each of us must have our hearts beating at the same pace and rhythm as one other person in the world. maybe someone from the other side of the country or across oceans and seas...

my little wire ladder

steel & copper wire, appx. 8-10 cm across,
work in progress/study sketch

So i've been slowly, very slowly working on this ladder for this June letters painting that is no longer about the June letters:


[detail, no June letters]

A few layers before this (that had been miserably wiped off, layers of orchres, reds, corals), it had these black letters on it:



And right before that was this:



So really, i have come back to a blank canvas again, just a few shades darker:



Well, not totally blank, as i do see an image of a ladder on it. Hopefully, it will take me somewhere to completion...



Coincidently, the last couple of days, i've been walking on these trail steps made out of wooden planks that look like little ladders. They are scattered around on various trails in the woods and for some reason, it gives me such a thrill to walk on them. That is a good sign, no? Painting is still so new and such a struggle for me, so i could use all the good signs out there for it.