scattered underwear

It's been awhile here. Thank you for still checking in here...it really helps...

I've been moping around about this and that. Mainly: feeling neglected by sisters, being out of touch with cousins, and not being more there for my parents. Well, after a lot of back and forth in my head, it occurred to me that i really need to get a life. I don't have kids yet but i feel like i already know how it is not to be able to let your kids go and live their own lives. It sucks. Well luckily, i do still have my own friends and thank goodness for you guys. ♡

As for studio work, i'm still left with a lot of unfinished pieces that don't seem to be going anywhere. No red red days, you guys :(. I think i need to change my work routine or something. Too much emphasis on having the weekends free to make something that i end up wasting more time scattering about than getting anything done.

My little spoons of joy started not too long ago aren't too happy right now:



I still haven't been able to produce any good prints, even though the copper plates themselves look pretty nice to me:



Sadly realized that i don't really have it in me to be the kind of conceptual artists that i admire. How does one come up with awesome profound ideas? Yesterday, i didn't know where to go with the unfinished works laying around, so i started tearing up some paper. Before i knew it, i had a big bowl and a little bowl of it, and hours had passed.



Instead of getting depressed about how an entire free day passed without accomplishing anything 'substantial', i'm going to start being Okay about spending precious time like this. I like tearing paper. It's also prep work for making the spoons and whatever else later.

i miss you studio

i used to wake up to this every morning at our old apartment

It's strange to be in such a prettier place now yet still be missing some misshapen things from before. :/. This was the living room turned into my studio:





Note: wig collection hung on wall (i didn't make them) inspired by Marjojo's My Mother Has Golden Hair

and you guys remember my awesome shelves built from just bricks and wooden planks?




unfinished bits and pieces on worktable

These photos were taken by John, a few days before moving out of there to our new house. Still in the midst of unpacking and getting the studio space set up...

beginnings of an offering

spring

drypoint & chine colle on japanese paper,
59.5 x 19.5 cm, 1997

An old print. A mess-up but one of my favorites still. My etching press has been sitting idle pretty much since i got it. Makes me wonder that maybe it wasn't not having a press that was keeping me from making prints again. Maybe the desire was never strong enough to begin with? I don't know. I just know i love looking back at the prints that i did make and seeing the works that these artists are making - Jo, Elisabeth, Sarah...

I didn't go home for Mother's Day and wished i weren't so tired not to make the trip. i miss you, Ma. My dad called today and told me that the cousins surprised my mom with a cake at 9:30pm last night. I can imagine my mom's tremendous delight over it. I totally take back what i said about daughters being better than sons, at least definitely not these guys. You guys are really the best of the best. Sorry, Baby, for missing your birthday too. :(.

Studio work is going slow but steady. Nothing that makes my heart beat fast though. Just some re-painting here and there, making some more little spoons, and started a big one that made me realize why big can be so repulsive. Actually, i don't know why, i just want to bury it.

Spring is here but it's still so chilly on some days. like today. but nice to still be under the covers and just read. I've been reading Kevin Brockmeier's books. I am crazy for his writing. Today i came across a passage from his short story The View from the Seventh Layer that i really like:

"...The heart of every house was the kitchen, the soul of every house was the bedroom, and the mind of every house was displayed with hooks and thumbtacks on the walls. But the conscience of every house...was the bookshelves..."

I guess it doesn't make me feel so bad about having so many things around me that i like to have around.

I wish it'll get warmer soon so i can wear my new flip flops.

sketches

sleeping heads, on plane to Hawaii 3.31.09, pen drawing in sketchbook,19 x 25cm

Also, overheard on the plane ride:

Little boy who eats nonstop with his mother:
When are we going to blast off?

Minutes later, we hear two other kids up front counting down to blast off as the plane is taking off.

Same two kids, as the beverage cart starts to come down the aisle -

Little girl: I want juice.
Little boy: I want coffee.
Little girl cracks up and then: I want BEER.

ahhaha. makes me think of Ting and Baby. I wish i knew to jot down their dialogues then.

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Happy to be back. Finally cleaned up my studio and ready to continue with some works. A sketch done shortly before i left:


pink underwear, pencil and acrylic wash in sketchbook

undies

sewn on paper, not bigger than my palm, works in progress

holding them to the light:

woman, weeping

string over paper and wire, 166 x 5.5 cm




my pale weeping spoon

late beginnings

Early last September, dear wonderful Barbara gave me a dozen eggs fresh from her chickens at home. Sam I Am lays the green eggs. I love all of them so and tried to save the eggshells. Their colors and shapes are so pretty to look at, even the broken ones...





I tried wrapping one of the eggshells but it did not turn out right at all. Felt like i was suffocating it. They are beautiful naked as is, aren't they?

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Today i meet again the guy who reminds me of K. It's been years. Did not recognize him at first but his voice sounded familiar, only louder than what i remembered. He looked changed and not so much like K anymore.

It was good to be home for the holidays and be with the family even though i kept telling people how exhausting it was. My cousins are more and more heroic to me. I wish for more time together with them and my sisters. Soygu looking younger with Sharrlyn and my parents have stopped aging. Called home after driving back late Friday night to let them know we've arrived safely, and i could hear the noise and chatter in the background. Next morning, i woke up thinking of everyone and feeling so lonely. I especially miss my sisters and cousins. Don't want them to ever grow old.

my paper underwear

paper and thread, 5 cm red stitched across

Have been making some paper experiments, sketches. This is one of them, made two Saturdays ago. A rough sketch, carelessly torn and sewn together, rather crappy looking. I don't know why i like it so much. Hung it by the window like it is magically suspended in the air! I like looking at it like that. Want to make more paper underwear and prints.

A print made the following day. Five Dirty Panties below:

thread and chine colle, about 3.5 cm each little panties, work in progress

I need to work on it some more. maybe some pencil drawing on top.

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To Carolina: red red prayers for finding dear *Pepe*
*

a love story

waxed thread through paper over wire, 22.5 x 3 cm together







Yesterday John ate and ate the horrible beef that i cooked up, along with the burnt piece of cake that i baked not from scratch; and i endured his endless one-sided discussion on Superman the first movie that i -almost- could care less about watching but watched anyway...

*
I wish that when i was younger, i could have known, understood, that no matter how annoyed or angry they got with one another, my parents would never leave each other.

*
Today i started making a bigger than life size spoon. I've also been collecting eggshells and drying baby gourds. Summertime my big bowl of dried grapefruit and orange skins got infested by moth worms and i am left with only a few unharmed pieces. Things decay but i have to remember not to let them collect dust.

It feels strange but good to be back here...Thank You to all who still took the time to say hello and stayed with me even while i was away...

hello new space!

So i've been busy trying to reorganize my workspace again. I've built a wall of new shelves with these cute little bricks and 8' wooden planks (placed on top of bookcases)! It's still all kind of messy but at least there is space in the middle of the room to breathe and stretch out.

I don't really know where to pick up right now. am not able to write about the promise spoons or continue with things i had in mind to do. want a nice old bike to ride around and enjoy these last few days of summer. this morning was freezing. looking forward to some hot sun tomorrow and pretend i am heading out to the beach.

.....

I've started with the idea of making a 'his and hers' spoon set, then switched to 'his and his' after 'hers' did not seem to fit. It felt gimmicky and i quit forcing it. I got thinking about other things.

Right now still having trouble deciding how to post these individually. How much to tell and how much to keep to myself...? They are almost too personal but that is not what i want them to be about.

these promises

more later...