my favorite picture of my mom and me
Today my mom called and i found myself yelling at how conservative and messed up her thinking is. I want her not to be ashamed. Her daughters are not dirty and unrespectable.
I look at this picture now and don't know why i always have to be yelling so much. This is essentially who we are to each other, isn't it?
So many trips and visitors this month and last month. One of the best was being home for Mother's Day two weekends ago. My mom and i, we just sat around and chatted and chatted. For once, not about my unstable future, but their great past of survival. My poor dad did all the cooking for us - first one to wake up and made breakfast, continued on to make lunch and then red bean ice cream and then dinner and more food for me to take back with me. sweet day for all of us.
And i finally got the details in chronological order of what my parents went through during the Khmer Rouge suffering. I hope that my mom will decide to write a memoir of it. I know there is still so much left unsaid and more to their story than i'll ever understand.
it's amazing how similar moms are. My mom thinks i have an unstable future too and that i'm not responsible enough, etc. I'm sure she wishes i was someone else...oh well...
ReplyDeletewhat is it with the whole mother/daughter thing? difficult sometimes. i notice the up and down in your writing. one visit is wonderful, hearing stories of the past, what has shaped your mother's life and the other with hearing things that hurt you and make you react with yelling. almost two sides of a coin. thank you for claiming your feelings here. fact is, we ALL have unstable futures......no matter how "secure" they look......be true to yourself & i will try to do the same with my mother as well. oxoxxowendy
ReplyDeletehi GM, thank you for being here. funny, on the phone my mom was just saying how it's not because she wishes someone else for a daughter (when she compares us to other people) but just their way of wanting us to be better people. i believe that but i think they certainly wouldn't like it if we started comparing mothers. heh.
ReplyDeleteWendy, it's so true what you say that we all have unstable futures! who knows what can happen next. thank you for your words here, as always.
I love the matching tops! I think it's hard to imagine until you have a child of your own how that intense love can drive intense fear. So, stop being selfish and have some, right?
ReplyDeletethat is a sweet picture of you two.
ReplyDeleteYou should do a video interview of your parents to get their story. Your story. The story of your family's strength and survival. We can draw our own strength from our parents stories too. I think.
Being a first generation american as well, I totally get the disconnect we can have with our parents. It's not that we disrespet them, it's that our perspectives are so different! My dad would lecture me and my sisters all the time. He loved us for sure, but he often would shake his head at us and our choices. I was supposed to be a doctor, not an artist!! ayay. Ah well, we all have our paths. Our parents just want us to be happy and secure.
Mien, don't u find, sometimes, those types of relationships are paradoxical, maybe only, because, they see so much of themselves in you, if i knew that u had had children, i'd think it was a picture of u and u're own baby girl.
ReplyDeleteI hope your mom does write her experiences down on paper, if not for you, then for your children! It is a treasured life memory!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Kim
everyone has said such wonderful things already. its hard, mother and daughter love. :) and futures are never stable, it is "life" to be unstable and we fool ourselves every day (we are spoiled and blind).
ReplyDeleteyour parents went through a deep wrong. i too would try to get to record it; not an easy thing to do; but you are doing something that feels heartful, and somehow even honoring... almost sacred in a way contemporary "world" finds it difficult to see. We have to honor our souls, and with my mother, i try to make her laugh, when she gets fearful with me. It helps me, more than her. :)
How wonderful, this picture of you and your mom! Yes, this is what we are about, isn't it? Makes me want to rifle through the old photo stash to see what I have of just me and my mom (the younger version of us).
ReplyDeleteI wish my mothering style was more like my mom's; she had this ability to let you be who you are (even if she didn't agree with it) and still stress that we can be whatever we set our sights on.
Our mothers become our legacy.
A very nice pic! What a cutie u r, and still w/the worried brows, hee hee. What you wrote is so touching! I'm glad that you two chatted. And your pops is sweet!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this. It's wonderful to finally start appreciating our mothers as we grow up, even if we don't always agree with their ways. I think my Mom and I move closer to the middle the older we get...the difference between us is not so vast anymore.
ReplyDeleteoh my gosh,i was reading back your blog..till i jumped on this.Hmm, i have to read further.
ReplyDelete